Boldium’s Secret Holiday Recipes

Surprisingly easy apple pie

Ingredients

• 8 large, tart apples
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup butter
• 3 tbsp flour
• 1/4 cup water
• 2 pie crusts room temp (store bought!!)

Directions

The sauce: Melt the butter in a saucepan, add the sugars and stir. In a separate bowl, mix the flour and water, and then add to the saucepan and stir. Bring to a boil then let simmer for ~15 minutes.

The pie: Cut the apples into big chunks and put them in a pie crust, forming a big heap. Cut the other crust into 1/2 inch strips, and lay over the apples, one by one, alternating directions. Cover a cookie sheet with foil and place the pie on it. Pour the sauce on top of the pie, making sure the mixture seeps into all of the lattice. Bake at 450 degrees for 15 minutes and 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Don’t fret if the sauce spills over. Enjoy.

Grandma’s homemade eggnog

This recipe has been in my family for decades, and I have fond memories of delicious eggnog being passed around at our holiday parties. Of course, it’s a boozy drink, but grandma always made sure we children had our own brandy-free bowl. A sweet, creamy favorite.

Ingredients

• 6 eggs (separated)
• 1 ⅛ cups sugar
• 1 cup brandy
• ½ cup light rum
• 1 quart whole milk
• 1 ½ pints whipping cream
• ½ cup powdered sugar
• Nutmeg

Directions

Beat egg yolks with sugar. Add brandy and then rum very slowly over the beater. Beat in quart of milk and then 1 pint of whipping cream. Beat egg whites separately until stiff. Take ½ of egg whites and fold them into the mixture until they disappear. Take remaining egg whites, add powdered sugar and ½ pint of whipping cream and float on top. Sprinkle with nutmeg, if desired.

Mom’s cauliflower casserole

My mom thought this was my favorite dish at Christmas. Sure it's got a lot of cheese, but favorite? To her credit, my mom never stopped trying to give people what she thought they wanted. That's pretty rad.

My grandma (my mom’s mother-in-law) gave the recipe to my mom. They hated each other. Now I have this tiny midwestern recipe written in cursive that I think is, you know, all right, and I think about my mom being mildly annoyed that it's not actually my favorite, and I miss her.

Ingredients

• Cauliflower steamed till soft
• 2/3 cup butter
• 4-8 oz plain yogurt
• Grated cheese, something yellow like American or cheddar
• Salt, pepper, paprika, chives — optional

Directions

• Add ingredients together in blender till smooth
• Save part of cheese for topping
• Bake in oven-proof bowl at 350 till cheese is melted and casserole is hot, about half an hour.
  

Panic and order takeout

Ingredients

• 1 cellphone
• 1 weird kitchen that's hard to cook in
• 2 tbsp of "there's no way it's already December"
• 1 cup of "what do you mean you're sold out of everything?"

Directions

• Get distracted by all of the holiday deals that inexplicably start as soon as Jeff Bezos smells turkey.
• By the time you remember you have holiday tasks to perform, it will be too late. The stores are sold out of every conceivable item, reservations are booked up, and people are on wait lists for pies.
• Consider your two remaining options:
  • Get invited by a friend or family member.
  • Consult the oracle of Yelp for restaurants that are still open for takeout.

Whatever you choose, relax. It's ok you didn't snag one of those fancy $80 bakery pies — the ones with exotically arranged toppings and garnish. The people who matter won't judge you for your lack of holiday foresight.

Right?